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We periodically see stories about married men in public life who are gay or have been implicated in homosexual behavior — such as Senator Larry Craig (R–Idaho), who was arrested last summer for allegedly soliciting a male police officer in an airport bathroom, and former New Jersey governor James Mc Greevey, who proclaimed that he was a "gay American" when he announced his resignation from office.While the media focuses on the men, I watch their wives standing next to them and wonder about the suffering, lies, emotional confusion and rage that they may be living through. There are so many obvious questions for a wife like me: Didn't I realize he was gay? And if I had suspicions, why didn't I confront him earlier or divorce him?When I confronted my husband, Chris (not his real name), with my test results that night, he denied he was to blame."They've got to be wrong, or I must have picked up something in the gym," he insisted.He refused, explaining that he respected me too much and that sex had ruined his previous relationships.Frustrated, I kept reminding myself that, as he said, "We will have the rest of our life together." In premarital counseling, we told the minister that divorce didn't fit with our values.Yet I finally understood that our entire married life, except for our children, whom we both loved completely, was built on a falsehood.

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"I don't know how this could have happened," he stammered. But I kept quiet and thought, I've held up as long as I could. Both of us grew up in the small-town South, and Chris was in the military.

I was also pleased that we had a similar religious upbringing.

I grew up going to a Methodist church, and I've always had a strong Christian faith.

I suppose I was always suspicious, but I was in denial.

Early in our relationship, Chris told me he'd had homosexual experiences as a teenager but assured me it was youthful curiosity.

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